Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Friday, February 17, 2006

Bodily Functions: An Exploration

Oscar and I have a son, Turtle, who is two. Turtle is VERY two, actually. Although I have to commend him for his consideration...he always goes into hiding to have his temper tantrums. He does not like to inconvenience us with unseemly expressions of negative emotions. In any event, Turtle is an extremely intelligent little boy, but his verbal communication skills have been a little slow to develop. For a while, we thought he was speaking Korean, but neither Oscar nor I speak Korean, so we can't confirm this theory.

Lately, we've been noticing that Turtle is actually speaking in sentences, in English, no less, and that we're actually able to understand some of them. Granted, we're not having deep, meaningful discussions about the state of the world or politics or whether the Diamondbacks actually have a shot of doing something this year. Mostly he speaks to demand more food and to point out that the lump over there? Is a kitty. But I can't complain. It's just nice to be able to communicate with our son and find out what's going on in his mind.

Yesterday, it was particularly enjoyable. This is an actual conversation I had with my son yesterday, right after he got up from his nap:

Him: I ha' poo.
Me: You have poop? You made poopies in your diaper?
Him: I ha' poo.
Me: You made poopies? Well, let's change your diaper, buddy.
Him: No.
Me: Buddy, if you made poopies, we need to change your diaper. Let's go.
Him: *melodramatic cry*
Me: Come on, dude...over to the changing table.
Him: *running over to the window* I ha' poo.
Me: Yes, I know you have poop, buddy. That's why we're changing your diaper.
(I pick up Turtle and put him on the table, peeling his clothes off and getting the new diaper ready.)
Me: Buddy, you don't have poop.
Him: I ha' poo.
Me: You don't have poop, buddy. You just went pee.
Him: Pee? *big grin*
Me: Yep, pee. No poop, little man. Just pee.
Him: I ha' poo. *big grin*
Me: Nope, you didn't make any poopies, buddy. You just went pee. Mommy won the diaper lottery. Woohoo!
Him: Woo. Hoo.

I ha' poo.
Me: Nope. Just pee.
Him: PEEEEEEEEEE! *giggles madly*
Me: Yep, you went pee. Good job, buddy.
Him: Pee!

Me: Nope, no poop, little dude. You went pee in your diaper.
Him: I ha' pee.
Me: Very good, little man....go play with your toys.

As I see it, this conversation illustrates two very important points. Number one, my son is brilliant, because he can barely talk, but he has mastered the art of the Who's on First? comedy routine. Number two, a man's inclination towards laughing at his bodily functions? Starts at birth.


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