Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


I have been of the firm opinion for quite some time that all married women need boyfriends. I had one for quite a while, when I was still working a regular 8-5 job. And as often as we used his name, Oscar and I called him my Office Boyfriend. It perplexed people who didn't know us very well, that my husband could so casually refer to my "boyfriend" in conversation. But Oscar understood the relationship, and was not at all threatened by it. We were simply very close friends who had just enough sexual tension between us to keep things interesting.

The trick to having a boyfriend when you are married is to channel all of the sexual tension that builds between you and your boyfriend back into your marriage. I am quite adept at this particular skill. I had to learn it early, because when you flirt as much as I do, you have to have somewhere to go with all of the hormones that start running around. This creates a win-win situation. Your boyfriend gets the same thing you get out of it: a boost to the ego that someone else finds him attractive. And your husband gets a wife who is invigorated by the extra attention she has been getting and is therefore more interested in him sexually. I don't think I've met a man yet who would be disappointed if he were to start getting sex more regularly from his spouse, no matter what the impetus. So you see what I am saying, right? Win-win.

In any event, my Office Boyfriend fell off the face of the planet a couple of months ago. The phone calls and lunches had started dwindling even before that. He had a new real-life girlfriend and a job that was stressful and overwhelming, and after a while, he just stopped trying. I couldn't make the extra effort to keep things going, myself, because I was dealing with my own life issues. It was a bummer, because like I said, he was a very close friend in addition to being a "boyfriend." I still think about him quite a bit. But he's gone and I don't think he'll be back. That being the case, I think it's time I moved on.

I think it might be time to upgrade my Crush to Boyfriend status. We already talk all the time, to the point that our respective spouses don't even ask us anymore if we're talking to the other; they just assume that we are. He makes me feel good about myself, and again, there's just enough sexual tension to keep things interesting. Oscar is reaping the benefits of our relationship, so I don't think he is complaining. (Though I am sure he will weigh in on that later, once he's read this post.) The only thing that's holding me back is the fact that he lives across the country from me. I've never had a long-distance boyfriend before.

I'm not even sure how this works. It was easy with Office Boyfriend. We would talk all the time on the phone, and I would give him advice about his life. He would listen when I was having marital issues and give me the ever-important "man's perspective." We'd have lunch once a week, and talk and flirt, and it was great. I suppose, looking at it that way, I can still do all of these things with the new guy in my life, just without the lunches. And it's not like I'm planning on marrying him...I already have a husband and I don't need another one. So I guess the geography issue is not as big a problem as I thought it was. Maybe it IS time to upgrade.

Looks like I have a boyfriend again. I can't wait to tell Oscar...


At March 22, 2006 10:00 PM, Anonymous Oscar said...

Just remember... good boyfriends give gifts to show their entanglement in your many charms. And if they happen to be of the Xbox variety, even better.

At March 23, 2006 3:54 PM, Blogger Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

Dually noted all around. ;-)


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