Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I Am So Lame, Part 2

I told you this would be a continuing series. There are so many subheadings for this topic, I'm not sure there's bandwidth enough in the world to cover them all. But this particular example of my lame-itude concerns blogging. Now, I don't know if blogging has any particular Fight Club-esque type rules to it (such as, The first rule of Blogging is there is no blogging about Blogging) but I think if we can all just agree upfront that this is really more about how my warped little brain works than it is about blogging in particular, we'll do just fine.

First of all, I was dragged kicking and screaming into this little blogging universe. Oscar sort of pushed me into it. He thinks my friends and I are hilarious and figured that our voices needed to be "out there" for the rest of the world. I don't know if he was looking for sympathy and understanding for what he goes through on a daily basis, or if he honestly thought we would entertain people, but regardless, he campaigned for a while to get at least one of us out there. I resisted mostly because I didn't think I had anything to say (stop laughing!) and I didn't know what in the world I would think to write about on a regular basis.

Which brings me to why I am lame, Exhibit A:
I feel like I have to post something every day, or I will be disappointing my loyal readers. I know...I blog is about a month old? My loyal readers total about 5 or 6? But see, I love you guys, and I worry that if I don't post something on a daily basis, you will be upset, and I hate to upset you. You take the time to come over to my little corner of the Blogosphere and see what I've been up to and hopefully laugh at my attempts at humor. That means something to me. Even though I haven't even met half of you, I feel a loyalty and a duty to you. I feel the obligation. I set a precedent! I can't betray that! Yeah, I know. "Whatever, sweetheart, our lives won't be destroyed if you don't post every day." But this really isn't about how YOU feel. It's about how I feel you might feel and how that makes me feel. See? Lame.

Exhibit B:
I considered posting a picture of Turtle on the bike to go with the post about Oscar trying to put the seat together. You know what stopped me? I thought about how Angelina Jolie's kids are going to grow up with light bulbs flashing in their faces and their pictures posted all over the tabloids and how they never asked for that. Their lives are never going to be normal and they'll never know what it's like just to be a kid instead of Angelina Jolie's Kid, Instant Celebrity. And I thought, I can't do that to Turtle. I can't open him up to those kinds of prying eyes.
(I'll give you a second while that sinks in....

Ready? Okay....)
Yeah. I have a blog that 5 people, maybe 6, actually read on a regular basis and I'm actually related to half of them in some way. So while I COULD have been thinking, "Well, I really don't want to turn this into a Mommy-blog, not that I have anything against them, really, but I am an equal-opportunity riffer and don't want to get a reputation for posting a bunch of pictures of my kid when I'm the only one interested in them," what I was ACTUALLY worried about was that I would be exposing my kid to the kind of fame he's just not ready for yet. I swear to you, as I'm re-reading these words, I'm surprised that I am actually posting this so you can know how utterly ridiculous I am.

Exhibit C:
I proofread my posts at least twice before submitting them. Then I copy all of the content and paste it into Word, and run spell check to make sure everything is spelled correctly. Then I proofread it again, not to check for spelling or grammar errors, but to make sure it's still as funny as I thought it was the first time around. Then I submit it. And then........good lord, I can't believe I am confessing this.......don't judge me, okay?......I go back to my site three or four times during the rest of the day to read it again to see if it's holding up as "clever and witty" or if it's starting to feel more "stupid and inane." Yeah....I must visit my own site at least 5 times a day and I read the posts over and over again and I agonize over whether or not I am actually cute and funny or just think I'm cute and funny. God, I am such a loser.

Exhibit D:
Last one, I promise. For the longest time, I would not comment on anyone's blog. I read a lot of them....A LOT. But even now, I still rarely comment. I worry that I'm going to sound like an idiot, or the blogger won't want to hear from me, or whatever stupid excuse I'm using this week. Now that I have my own blog, though, I worry when people don't comment. I know you guys are out there. I see you running up my stat counter. But very few of you are saying hi. I understand you, because hey! I'm one of you. But I really wish you would stop by and say "hi" now and then. And not because I want to get to know you all intimately and be your best friend and go out for lattes. No...the real reason I want you to drop by and say "hi" is because I need the validation. I'm an attention whore, people. I need to know you're feeling the love. Well, and also because I don't have enough blogs to read, so if you have one, I will be able to add you to my reading list. But mostly because I'm an attention whore. So go forth and comment. I won't judge you, I promise. Besides, you can't possibly be more lame than I am. Heh.


At March 07, 2006 5:13 PM, Anonymous Oscar said...

And these dear readers are just some of the reasons that A) I wanted her to blog, and B) that I love her desperately. Maybe it takes someone as unbalanced as her to appreciate it, but I'll own that.

At March 07, 2006 8:45 PM, Blogger Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

you are totally lame, ridiculous, hysterical, and a trip! and that's why i'm totally in lust with you! watch out "oscar" -- though like you don't know already.

At March 07, 2006 11:32 PM, Blogger Flip said...

I wouldn't worry about Turtle as long as you set him down on his own feet a few times before he turns 10 years old so that he can practice actually walking on his own. I really feel for Maddox...

Keep blogging. Lame is good.


At March 08, 2006 12:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so lame. MWA!

At March 08, 2006 7:59 AM, Blogger Cymber said... guys are the best. And don't worry, Flip...Turtle is running on his own. If I pick him up at all at this point, it's to keep him in one place for 2 seconds.

At March 08, 2006 9:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi from Mexico, I like what you write, keep doing it!


At March 08, 2006 6:14 PM, Blogger Cymber said...

Thank you, Claudia from Mexico! I'm so glad you stopped by to say hi! I don't know how you found me but I'm glad you're here.


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