Is It Done Yet?

The Oscars are on tonight, and all I have to say about that is "Thank GOD!" I am so sick of hearing about them. The constant articles about who is predicted to win a trophy this year were bad enough. But when I was surfing a news site recently and saw an article about what kind of underwear the stars will be wearing to this year's ceremony, I realized the apocalypse was nigh. I mean, is this REALLY news? Am I REALLY interested in whether Reese Witherspoon will be wearing a g-string or going commando? REALLY? (The answer, in case you were curious, is a resounding NO!!!)

It's not that I can blame the news outlets for this influx of non-information. For whatever reason, the Oscars ceremony has bloated into a weeks-long season of analysis, speculation and predictions. I think it starts in June now, too, so after a while, the real discussion is bound to peter out and we are left with fluff about how much Botox the stars will be employing and whether they plan to shave before the ceremony. It's absurd. I mean, I don't mind fluff. I'm a big fan of fluff. Fluff is my friend. But if we're getting fluff because we've been over-talking a subject for so long that there is nothing else left to discuss BUT fluff? The topic has been overdone and we need to back off.

The worst thing is, the movies, which are ostensibly the reason for all of this celebration and revelry, have not exactly been inspiring me to shell out $9 for a ticket lately. I saw about half of Crash on dvd not too long ago, and I thought it was pretty good. But it wasn't something I would have rushed to the theatre to see, even without Turtle to hinder my movie-going ability. Brokeback Mountain was the last movie I actually saw in the theatre, and I was moved by it, but I doubt I would have been inclined to see it if I hadn't had some recent personal experiences that made the storyline more profound for me. Other than that, I just don't understand movies these days. The comedies seem to be playing to the lowest common denominator, which is disappointing. Not that I don't appreciate a cheap joke now and then, but if I'm going to mortgage my home in order to get the money it takes to go see a movie these days (which doesn't even take into account the money it costs to hire a babysitter) I want more than just a one-note fart joke to carry the film. The horror genre doesn't do much for me, as I'm a big fat coward and will inevitably end up watching the entire movie through the gaps between the fingers covering my eyes. Action movies? Well, although the car chases are longer and the explosions are bigger, there's nothing new going on there to make me want to go see them instead of popping some microwave popcorn and putting Die Hard in the dvd player. And the dramas? Well...let's take Freedomland for example. I could have potentially been interested in seeing it if Julianne Moore's face in the previews hadn't telegraphed the entire movie to me in a 2 second period of time. Why pay to see a movie when I can figure out the ending from watching the trailer?

This is not to say that I won't be watching the Oscars tonight. I mean, really...what else am I going to watch? They're preempting Grey's Anatomy. (Bastards.) But it's not because we need to celebrate the great art of filmmaking. It's because of Jon Stewart. (And because they're preempting Grey's Anatomy. Bastards.) I heard he didn't do that great a job on the Grammy Awards, but I am undeterred. I love Jon Stewart. I think he has the potential to be one of the best hosts the Oscars has ever known, providing they don't try to water him down too much. Jon Stewart is at his best when he is allowed to be irreverent and snarky and antiestablishmentarian. But the powers that be at the Oscars have a tendency to take themselves too seriously, so I don't know if they'll be able to keep their hands off his shtick and let him do what he does best. Still, it's worth the risk. Even if the jokes are bad and his delivery can't save them, he's still pretty to look at. And at the end of the day, I'm just that shallow.