Karma Is Good

Every Friday, Oscar and I leave Turtle with a babysitter and go out on a date. It's our way of reconnecting after a long week, and an opportunity to eat in a restaurant without worrying about whether Turtle is eating the crayons or climbing over the banquette into the booth next to us. Normally, we would pick a nice, grown-up type restaurant and have a leisurely meal at a table with subdued lighting and attentive waiters. However, our budget is tight at the moment. So we traded in the subdued lighting and attentive waiters for a local burger joint that just opened up, which conveniently also serves frozen custard. The sacrifices we have to make.... Heh.

We had a nice time eating our burgers and onion rings (why blow a diet if you're only going to go half way?) and had some great conversations. We got caught up on everything, which is good, because it's been a while since we've had a chance to talk like that. Before we knew it, the burgers were gone, the onion rings were demolished and we were starting to contemplate dessert. Well....technically, Oscar was the only one contemplating dessert. I knew what I wanted. I wanted a banana split, no whipped cream, no nuts. I have been salivating over the idea of a banana split almost the entire week, and after the day I had yesterday, I figured I was due that banana split, without any of the usual accompanying guilt. Just me, the banana split, and a spoon. That's all I needed. I was ready.

So naturally, it wasn't that easy. We ordered, they gave us our little plastic number to put on our table and we waited. Before too long, Oscar's frozen confection arrived. I was assured mine would not be far behind. Oscar took a look at it, and then looked again. It was somewhat lacking in the crushed Heath bar he had requested. Actually, it was completely lacking in the crushed Heath bar he had requested. We had a brief discussion about whether or not he should make a stink about it before he decided that he really did need the topping to achieve sundae bliss. He walked up to the counter while I waited back at the table. I think he hit a rush because it probably took him close to five minutes to get them to crush some candy on his custard. When he came back, I was.....can you guess?....that's right....still waiting for my banana split. Oscar took a few bites of his pistachio nut frozen custard, and picked off a little piece of his waffle bowl. Then I think he started feeling guilty that he had his dessert but I was still waiting for mine. He put his spoon down. Still I waited. I passed the time watching Oscar's frozen custard melt in front of me. It was at this point that I started to wonder who, exactly, I had pissed off to make even the ordering of a frozen custard such a traumatic issue. But finally, FINALLY, a cute little blonde girl walked over and placed my dessert in front of me and I swear I heard a choir of angels sing. It had real hot fudge, and big, fat pieces of strawberry, and best of all, it looked like an entire colony of pineapple had conquered that middle scoop of custard. I really think if I had been at home, I might have orgasmed. Quite frankly, I probably would have done it in public, if I hadn't been so focused on picking up that spoon and taking my first taste of that oh-so-fattening piece of heaven in a bowl.

The story could have ended here, and I would have been blissfully happy and yesterday's psychotic episode would have been but a distant memory. But no. I think Karma was feeling particularly guilty about my crappy horoscope and crappier mood. Because Oscar and I were about 75% of the way through our desserts when another employee walked up with yet another dish of pistachio nut frozen custard and a banana split with no whipped cream, and no nuts. Somebody forgot to clear the board of our order, so they made it all over again. And they couldn't really do anything with it, so the cute little employee set the sundaes down in front of us and said "If anybody asks, I don't know anything." Now, honestly, there was no way I was going to be able to eat another banana split last night. But I was not above taking it home and sticking it in the freezer. And with that extra banana split, ready to back me up in case something else made my mood take a turn for the worst, balance was restored in my universe. See, it doesn't take a sandwich or a nice long walk. Life's problems are only ever really solved with banana splits. No whipped cream. No nuts.