Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

A Little Housecleaning

First, a disclaimer: My nose is so clogged, I feel like I am carrying a brick around on my face. Not only that, but I did this new exercise yesterday to work my lower abs, AND it's that time of the month, so my entire pelvis is one big ball of HOLY CRAP, THAT HURTS! So for those of you expecting this entry to contain my usual level of wit and cleverness? You might as well pack it up and head home now.

And now is the point in the program when we tie up a few loose ends and answer a few questions you might be having about specific plot points in our narrative:

1) Who ARE these people?
Well, good question. I keep meaning to write up a "cast of characters" but I don't think I've introduced everyone yet and I don't want to get ahead of myself. Also? Best Friend still doesn't have a name. And until Best Friend has a name, I don't feel comfortable posting a "Who's Who" description. So, if you have any suggestions for Best Friend, let me know. Otherwise, I'll post it when I post it.

2) Weren't you going to get off your ass more during the day? How's that working out for you?
Okay, here's the thing....on my best days, I'm still never ready for Turtle to wake up when he does. So I always take the first few minutes of the day to get online, check my e-mail, and read all of the blogs on my reading list (which is extensive, by the way.) It gives me a chance to wake up a little bit more and prepare for the day. But then Oscar IM's me and we start chatting. Then I get an e-mail from a friend who's struggling with a big issue in her marriage, so I stop to craft the perfectly worded e-mail back to her. Then Turtle wants breakfast. By the time he's done, I have another e-mail from the one friend and a phone message from another friend who's facing a health crisis. So I e-mail the one, call the other, and then call my mother-in-law (who we'll call McMama from now on, to distinguish her from Mama Jo, who is my mother) to talk for a couple of hours about the state of the world, and how Phil popped his eyebrow so sexily last night on The Amazing Race, and how Project Runway is finishing up tonight and how we both feel the love for Tim Gunn. Then I have just enough time to get to the gym before the kids' care area closes for the afternoon and by the time we get home, it's lunch time. After lunch time, it's nap time. During nap time, I have just enough time to get a shower and hopefully craft a blog post before we start all over again. So the short answer is that it's actually not working out for me, but thanks for asking.

3) What's up with Hotass and her boyfriend?
Hotass and her boyfriend are still together. They had a great time at Disneyland and things have been on an upswing. They are even contemplating moving in together, particularly now that said boyfriend is working on his Issues. The only other interesting thing I can report is that the boyfriend almost got an eyeful when Oscar forgot to close our bedroom door on a day when boyfriend was over, and I walked out of the bathroom buck naked. Needless to say, Oscar will not be doing that again.

4) How's the hair holding up?
The hair is fantastic. I had a couple days where I styled it funky, but that was my fault, not my stylist's or my hair's. I am still in love with it. But also? It is growing in a little, and yet, I have not seen a corresponding weight gain. I am baffled at how this is possible.

5) Has the crush worn off yet?
A little, but not really. Since I was waylaid by injury while Oscar was at his concert, my crush kept me company online. We had a very long, deep, meaningful conversation via IM. (For those of you concerned by the state of my marriage, I let Oscar read the transcript later.) I'm still pretty smitten. Of course, he's trying to get actual work done this week, so he's not going to be online much. This might be a problem. I don't like to be ignored, since the world so clearly revolves around me and my issues, so we'll see how much longer he lasts.

6) Did you buy the stuff from the Peru guy?
No. He actually came by at 5:30 instead of 8:30 in the evening. Oscar wasn't home yet, and I was so annoyed that I told him that we just didn't have it in our budget right now, but thank you. Then he asked to use our phone. I think I laughed. And then when I realized he was being serious, I didn't know what to do. So being a sucker, I let him use our phone. Hotass asked if I stayed to check and make sure he wasn't calling Peru. Ha Ha....Ha Ha.... Oh, wait. She had a point. I guess we'll find out when the bill comes.

7) Is Turtle sleeping better?
Yes. I think we managed to identify the cause of Turtle's early morning shenanigans. He was not eating as much during the day (not that we didn't feed him, so let's not get too hasty and start calling CPS, okay?) By the time morning rolled around, he was starving. I called Mama Jo for advice, and his eating habits have improved, as have his sleeping habits. This morning we had a 7:30 wakeup call. It's not 8:30, but it's not 6:30 either. Turtle's life has been spared once again.

I hope that answers any questions you might have about the randomness happening in my universe. If there's anything I'm missing, please leave me a comment or e-mail me. I'm all about you and your needs, except of course for all the times when I'm about me and my needs.


At March 08, 2006 7:03 PM, Anonymous McMama said...

OK, I know I need to leave my adorable daughter-in-law a comment. I love, love, LOVE the blog. I read it everyday. Just so you know, I am McMama. Why the nickname? 1) Hotass was already taken, 2) It works well with my last name, and 3) it's in the same class as McDreamy and McSteamy. Hmmm...I could have also been McCreamy, but that would undoubtedly send Oscar screaming to analysis!

At March 08, 2006 7:13 PM, Anonymous Oscar said...

Oh fuck me. I seriously need to discuss slitting my wrists w/ my therapist now. Oh, and offering a towel to my sick demented mother. *sigh*

At March 08, 2006 8:30 PM, Blogger Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

I'm sure you're crush will come back and give you lots and lots of attention sometime tomorrow. I have a feeling he disappointed you today, but my psychic vibes are telling me he'll make it up to you in a BIG way. ;-)

Oh and McMama... I love it!

At March 08, 2006 10:28 PM, Blogger Cymber said...

I think it should go without saying that McMama is seriously fabulous and we have an outstanding relationship. But in case it's not clear from her comment here, I will be blogging about her later. Love her. Love. LOVE. And you should too. =)


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