Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Friday, March 10, 2006

A Whole Lot of Blah

I'm tapped out today. I've been feeling pretty emotionally drained overall, lately, and although I can pretty much pinpoint the reasons for it, that doesn't seem to be helping much in the "getting over it" part of the process. (No, I'm not going to share what they are.) (No, really, I'm not. Quit asking.) I was chatting with my Crush earlier, and not even feeling very participatory in that conversation, that's how tapped out I am (Sorry, man! You know I love you!), when I decided to check my horoscope. He'd shared his with me earlier and it was so upbeat and positive, I thought maybe mine would have even a hint of something in it that might help me get over my blaaaaaaaaaaah issues. Here is what it said:

This kind of strange day doesn't come around very often, dear Taurus. You no longer seem to know what you want. Do you want to work or take time off? Do you want to redecorate your house or live in a shack by the beach? It's hard to communicate with people, because you feel that trying to explain your point of view is pointless, especially when you don't know what it is yourself. The best thing to do may be to unplug yourself from your usual activities and go for a walk. This confusion shall pass, dear Taurus.

Wow. Thanks be to the planets that aligned themselves just so, in order for me to get that piece of crap horoscope. "This confusion shall pass." Gee. I'm overwhelmed. See, this is why I never check my horoscope to begin with. What a vague cop-out. If you're going to give me some sort of insider information about my life, could you at least make it specific and relevant? "This confusion will last you at least another few hours, but then you'll get a frozen custard and your outlook will greatly improve." THAT, I could live with. THAT would make sense to me. THAT will prevent me from feeling guilty about eating a frozen custard when I'm supposed to be on a diet, because Hey! I have to do it to improve my outlook!

But no. Instead, I get the "Hey, so sorry you're feeling shitty today. Go take a walk. You'll feel better eventually." It just reminds me of my Best Friend's therapist who once told her that if she was having trouble sleeping because of her depression, she should try eating a sandwich. A sandwich? Really? Who knew that life's problems could be solved with a little PBJ? Or was it pastrami on rye? Come to think of it, I wonder if her therapist is now off writing horoscopes....?

But back to that: "You no longer seem to know what you want?" That is so clearly inaccurate. What I WANT, stupid horoscope, is something more from you than vague platitudes when I'm having a bad day. What I WANT is for you to say something that will inspire me to feel like things are moving in the right direction. What I WANT is for you NOT to remind me that trying to explain my point of view is pointless, because it just pisses me off even MORE. What I WANT is for you to give me that "this too shall pass" bullshit to my face so I can have the satisfaction of glaring at you until you feel small and inadequate. Stupid anthropomorphized horoscope.

So, yeah, clearly, I'm off the deep end today. And that's fine. I have these days now and then. I'm sure tomorrow will be better, and I just need to ride the wave of my psychotic episode until it has run its course. And if not, well........I can always fix myself a sandwich.


At March 10, 2006 3:15 PM, Blogger Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

Ah sweetie... sorry your crush wasn't more of a distraction. He probably could have tried harder. But you're probably good at hiding the blahs.

But you missed the point of the go take a walk (and the eat a sandwich). See what that is all about is to either 1) focus you with a menial task that will let you think hard or 2) distract you and make you feel a touch better that you'll get up and over it... or at least get a bump in your day.

But at the end of the day sometimes being a little blah makes being not blah even better.

At March 10, 2006 6:06 PM, Blogger Cymber said...

Well, maybe if my horoscope had said, "Go eat a banana split," I would have gotten the point a lot faster. Or even better, if my horoscope had said, "Go get a massage and a pedicure." But it doesn' wants me to take a walk. Which brings me back to my original point: my horoscope sucks.


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