Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Saturday, May 20, 2006

And Before I Knew It, I Was A Stalker!

So I've been going to the same gym for over a year now. And one of the best parts about this gym is that along with my membership, I get free personal training sessions. When I originally signed up, I was training with this REALLY. HOT. GUY. Seriously, he has the whole package...he's built, completely adorable, and utterly charming. He's also extraordinarily good at what he does, so in the past year, he has been moved to 4 different locations within the network. And every time he moves, I am devastated, because really, I'm totally in love with this guy, in a (mostly) platonic way.

However, my devastation has been offset by the fact that there is another trainer at my gym who has been a constant presence. And this other trainer? How can I describe my feelings about him.....? Oh, right. I just kind of want to lick him. All over.

I don't know what it is about this guy. I mean, he's cute, but not hot, if you know what I mean. He's got a nice body, but not one that you would expect to see on the cover of a magazine. He seems to have a great sense of humor and a great personality, though I don't know him particularly well. But I swear, there is something about him that just captivates me. Actually, it's not just me. Snark's Mistress is also completely enamored with him. When we're working out, both of us find that our eyes are constantly drawn to him. We can't stop staring.

SM has a theory that he is exuding some sort of pheromone that makes him irresistible. I don't know if that's it, but I don't seem to really care much either. All I care about is that he sticks around so I can have something to focus on when I'm doing my 3 sets on the tricep machine. Well, and if he smiles "hello" at me every once in a while, too, that's a nice bonus. Although, I think he's caught on to the fact that I am having some impure thoughts about him, because he seemed to be avoiding me last week.

It seemed like every time I was there, he was on his way out as I was on my way in or vice versa. I took to looking for his car as I was on my way in, just to get a feel for whether or not I would see him. (SM says that perchance that is why he's avoiding me....knowing what his car looks like is the first step to Stalkerville. But I have a perfectly good excuse for knowing what his car looks like. I do. I DO! Oh, shut up.) But even knowing that he was going to be there when I walked in didn't seem to guarantee that I would get my fix, as he seemed to be primarily in the racquetball courts while I worked out, and the racquetball courts are on the other side of the gym from the machines I use. It made me very sad. I mean, I'll go to the gym whether he's there or not, but I must say, he's excellent motivation for dragging my lazy ass off the couch. I'm kind of starting to feel like I'm in high school again, trying to figure out the object of my affection's schedule so I can make sure to pass him in the hallway and hang out by the drinking fountain near his locker when I know he's going to be changing his books out.

And you know what's really funny about this? I mean, aside from the fact that I'm a happily married woman who is completely disinterested in trading Oscar in for a new model? If I WAS interested in trading Oscar? I can't think of a place I'd be less likely to pick up a guy than the gym. Where I am in completely unflattering clothes. With a baseball cap covering my oh-so-hot hair. And no makeup. And I smell REALLY REALLY bad. The odds are not in my favor there. But that's okay. Because for an hour every day (except the ones when he's avoiding me...) I can escape the reality of my sore muscles and sweat dripping down my back and can dream of having sore muscles and sweat dripping down my back for a more satisfactory reason. Thanks, Trainer Guy! You're the best!


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