Such Is My Karma

I'm thinking that G-d is a "Van Helsing" fan. After brutally ripping that movie to shreds, I went to the gym for my daily workout. Now, my workout clothes were a little on the ripe side, to say the least. I just haven't had a chance to do laundry in the past couple of days, even though Oscar could really use some clean underwear, I'm sure. But I didn't want to use that as an excuse not to work out, because I have a goal, and I'm going to achieve that goal, even if it means never eating chocolate again. (Though I'm sure you can understand why I'm really hoping it doesn't come to that.)

Not only did I have ripe workout clothes, but I hadn't shaved my legs in over a week. So I was smelly bad, and hairy bad. But I was committed. I was going to the gym. I couldn't let foul aroma and hirsute legs hold me back.

I walked in, focused and determined. After getting Turtle dropped off at the kids' care area, and putting my purse and such in the locker, I headed upstairs for my warm up. That went well, so I moved on to my floor exercises. I wasn't able to do those as well as I would have liked, but I got through it and then headed back downstairs for my regular workout on the machines. In passing through the weight room, I noticed Trainer Guy doing his workout. *sigh* So cute! But I didn't stay and ogle. I had my own workout to finish. I settled myself on the abs machine right next to the drinking fountain.

And this, my friends, is where Karma came right up and bit me in the ass. Because as I was sweating profusely and adding to my stench, with my legs up in the air, exposing all of my pasty hairiness, who came up to get a drink of water but Trainer Guy. How am I supposed to make Trainer Guy my new boyfriend if I'm sweaty, stinky and hairy when he's finally in my personal space?? He's supposed to notice me as I'm walking out of the locker room, having taken a shower and blown my hair dry to tousled perfection, smelling faintly of my favorite perfume. He is NOT supposed to come up to get a drink of water while I'm polluting the surrounding area with sweaty gym clothes smell.

I told Boyfriend this story in an attempt to gain sympathy. Boyfriend argued that, first of all, I was in THE GYM. Nobody was expecting me to smell like lilacs. And as a guy, it's unlikely he even noticed my smell, considering the kinds of smells guys make. As for my hairy legs, guys don't even notice them unless you NEVER shave or they're currently running their hands up your hairy legs, in which case it registers, and is quickly disregarded. All of which is fine and good, but I'm a GIRL. And I will obsess and worry about this until the next time I do something completely embarrassing in front of Trainer Guy and we start this process all over again. I mean, come on...it's not like he's ever going to notice me because I've done something sophisticated or classy. This is me we're talking about, after all.