Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Sunday, June 11, 2006


So here's the thing: When I'm watching a show I'm not married to (in other words, anything other than Grey's Anatomy or Stargate SG-1) I tend to channel surf at my first opportunity until I find another show on a different station to serve as my backup program. That way, I don't get bored during the extended commercial breaks. At the first sign of men throwing footballs through tire swings as a metaphor for erectile dysfunction, I'm flipping over to my backup program and getting engrossed in the latest "I Love the 80's" show on VH-1, for example. Or, at least as engrossed as a person can get in a 4 minute period. It's a system that serves me well, in any case.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is I'm thinking I might need to employ a similar strategy as it pertains to my boyfriends. The Current Boyfriend has been quite busy at work lately, and he and his wife have placed a moratorium, of a sort, on computer time in the evenings. That leaves us with very little time to chat. Well....let's be honest: It leaves him with very little time to shower me with the adoration I so clearly deserve. And quite frankly, as the world so obviously revolves around me and my needs, this creates a problem. Particularly when I have a bad day, or a series of them, even, as I had last week.

I'm not saying I want to replace my Boyfriend. He's still adorable. And charming. And he gave me a vibrating rubber ducky. You just do not break up with a man who gives you a vibrating rubber ducky. Those kinds of men are few and far between, so when you find them, you hang on to them. I'm just thinking I need a backup boyfriend. A pinch hitter, if you will. Someone to pick up the slack when the regular Boyfriend is off doing real-world things, like working his real-world job, or spending time with his real-world wife.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to go about lining up a backup boyfriend. It's not like I can post an ad to craigslist: "Married woman with boyfriend seeking backup boyfriend to shower her with compliments, flirt with her shamelessly, and appeal to her narcissistic tendencies on demand. Candidates unfamiliar with the concept of personal hygiene need not apply." Then again, I've heard stories about craigslist. Maybe I could do that. Then again, I've heard stories about craigslist. Maybe I don't WANT to do that. (Ever been to the "casual encounters" section? It's an education.)

In a comment a few posts back, McMama suggested that maybe we should get a boyfriend together. I'm wondering if she might be on to something. I'm not completely opposed to the concept of sharing, particularly with McMama. And if we do that, I don't have to feel bad if I don't need him for a couple of weeks at a time because the Current Boyfriend is being suitably attentive. The only thing I'm not sure about is whether we share a similar enough taste in men to allow us to find a boyfriend that will appeal to both of us equally.

Of course, we do share a love of Phil Keoghan. And Patrick Dempsey (when his character's not being a total dickweed.) So we do have some common ground. But it's not like they're beating down our doors to apply for the position. So maybe the first order of business when my flight touches down in two weeks should be to scope the locals, and start playing the "Would you do him? What if he put a paper bag over his head?" game with McMama. I mean, we only have so much time together...we need to make the most of it.


At June 12, 2006 6:02 AM, Anonymous McMama said...

OMG! We really are going to have too much fun. I believe it's now 14 days and counting. I will start scoping out potential NYBFs. Men in upstate NY are quite suitable and most don't need the paper bag.

At June 12, 2006 7:55 PM, Blogger Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

HEY! I live in NY... ok, fine McMama said upstate and cleaerly NYC is not upstate. Ok, and let's make thiings clear it's not as though im is the only means of communication. You have the digits. You need me... Call me. Even if it's a rough day at work I could always enjoy the distraction. Sometimes I probably really need it. So don't go getting a spare when you haven't used me to my full potential yet... and McMama can share me too.


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