Helpless

Hotass broke up with her boyfriend last night. She called at 3:20 this morning, hurt and scared. Hurt because of some of the things her now-ex-boyfriend yelled at her as he was storming out of the house they shared. Scared because she didn't know where he had gone or if he was going to be safe. She still cares about him, after all. The problem was never that she doesn't have feelings for him. It's just that he doesn't make her happy.

I sat on the other end of the phone, groggy and unsure what to say to make things better. Knowing, ultimately, that I couldn't say anything. The only thing that was going to fix this was time and distance. But I listened and made sympathetic noises while she explained what had happened to get them to this point. And I offered to come over and keep her company. And when she demurred and said that wasn't necessary, I told her to just let me know if she changed her mind.

I hate knowing that my friends are hurting and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I hate that helpless feeling as I watch them cry and struggle with their turbulent emotions. I've always been extremely empathetic. I feel their pain as my own. Unfortunately, feeling their pain doesn't make it go away any faster for them, and in the meantime, I hate watching them suffer.

Hotass called in the middle of the morning. She still hadn't heard from or seen the now-ex-boyfriend. She was still worried and still blaming herself. I said what I could to reassure her that she did the right thing. I didn't know if it would stick. But it was all I could do. I told her she was welcome to come over to our place if waiting things out at hers got to be too much to bear. She was noncommittal. I understood. In a break-up, you do whatever you have to do to get through.

She ended up stopping by at some point this afternoon. I held her and listened while she cried and tried to make sense of everything that had happened. And I felt helpless some more. After crying jag #423, I suggested that maybe what we needed was a plan. We talked and sort of decided on a course of action: crappy food and crappy television. I can't think of a better remedy for a broken heart. We called Snark's Mistress and told her to join us. At times like these, it's good to have reinforcements.

In the end, both Snark's Mistress and I wished that there was more we could do. But we can't make the now-ex-boyfriend understand that Hotass was doing the most loving thing she could for him by ending things. And we can't force him to stop punishing her by staying away and making her wonder if he's gotten himself into trouble. Right now, the only thing we can do is be there. So that's what we're doing. Being there. For whatever she needs. Because she's our sister, and we love her.