I Don't Get It

Before I begin, I'd like to mention that I'm fairly certain what I'm about to say will cause my Boyfriend to conclude that I am dead to him. And as much as it pains me to think that I will have to go out looking for a new Boyfriend, since I have been particularly pleased by the current version, I can't hold my silence on this subject any longer. I feel like it's finally time that I come out of the closet. So here's the deal:

I don't get the whole George Clooney thing. Sexiest Man Alive? Women swooning at the mere mention of his name? I don't get it. I mean, I think he's attractive enough. And he gives interviews that make me want to get to know him better, because he's perfectly charming and self-deprecating and amusing in an effortless way. By all accounts, I should be panting at the very thought of him. But.....no. He doesn't do it for me. Not to say that I'd turn him down outright if he showed up on my doorstep, pledging his undying devotion. I'd at least think things over before telling him "Sorry. No can do." But that's the point...I'd eventually have to tell him no.

I kind of feel like there's something I'm missing. Perhaps there is a key genetic marker I am lacking that can explain my indifference to this man. I don't know, but I'm starting to wonder if I can take something for it. I want to understand what all the fuss is about. I want to look at him at awards ceremonies, all dressed up in his dashing tuxedo, and feel like maybe I should go turn the television on in the bedroom and spend some quality time with both George and my ducky. Because right now? With the just not getting it and all? I'm like an outsider...like the Heterosexual Women of America are going to ask me to forfeit my membership card. Honestly, this whole thing is making me question my sexuality and that disturbs me.

I mean, it's not that I don't like men. I love men. Men are hot. But George? Well, I do like him. I do. But I don't love him. And loathe as I am to admit this, I don't think George is hot either. Cute? Yes. Hot? Eh...not so much. OH! OH! And while we're on the subject? You know who else I don't find hot? Matthew McConaughey. How he made People's list this year is completely beyond me. I only rarely find him cute. Mostly I find him greasy looking. OH! OH! And while we're on the subject? You know who else I find greasy looking? Jude Law. He's another George Clooney to me. I am baffled by his appeal. At least with George, I come close to understanding. Jude? I don't get that. At all. AT. ALL.

So I don't know what my problem is, but I am definitely thinking I have a problem. I can find no other explanation for the fact that these men, whom other women find irresistible, do nothing for me. On the other hand, the men I do find unbearably attractive are the type who don't command legions of rabid fans. So less competition for me. Huh. Wait a minute. Maybe I've had this right all along....