Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Choose Your Own Blog Adventure

Hi Kids! Sorry to be absent from my little corner of the blogosphere for the past couple of days. I've been busy (a) cleaning my house, (b) counseling a friend through a marital crisis, (c) watching a boatload of porn. I have no excuse really, except that (a) my living room has never been neater, (b) my friend has really needed me lately, (c) I think I finally figured out how Jenna Jameson gets her leg to do that thing and I can't wait to try it with Oscar. If it makes you feel any better, (a) Lunatic Wife gave me crap today about not updating, (b) Snark's Mistress hasn't updated her blog, lately, either, and probably won't, even if you ask, (c) I'll send you some porn, too.

So what's new with you? Over in this neck of the woods, (a) Oscar is currently working two jobs PLUS his consulting gigs, so I hardly ever see him, (b) we've been experiencing record heat here and I feel like melting into a big puddle of goo, (c) I have discovered that the importance of having an engaging plot is inversely proportionate to the heat generated during the sex scenes in your average porn flick. But that's okay because (a) Oscar is making some pretty decent money, and we might actually be able to get out of debt in our lifetimes, (b) our air conditioning is working quite nicely (knock on wood) and Turtle has been enjoying himself, dancing along to various musical numbers on both television and the radio, (c) even though our personal stash of porn is on the low end of the "great porn" spectrum, there are still many intriguing selections to be found on the internet.

Also? With my non-blogging time? I have managed to (a) organize Oscar's sock drawer, (b) spend quality time with Turtle, (c) research what I'm hoping will be more satisfactory porn selections for future purchase. And that really makes me feel like I've made progress in my quest to be a better (a) wife, (b) mom, (c) slut. In fact, even though I know I have given you the expectation that I will update every day, I might just start (a) updating my blog only when I feel particularly inspired, (b) making you write your own blog entries, on my behalf, (c) writing for porn instead of my blog. I'm not committed to that idea, it's just something I'm (a) mulling over, given that I don't want to write something substandard, just for the sake of posting something in a given day, (b) trying for the day, since I used to love the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books as a kid, (c) hoping will generate extra income for us (since porn is one of the most lucrative industries out there) so Oscar doesn't have to work as hard.

What do you think? Leave me a comment and let me know. I (a) am really interested in your feedback, (b) figure if I'm too busy to write an actual entry, I'm probably also too busy to read your comments, but feel that having a lot of comments posted to my blog wins me some sort of popularity contest, (c) need something to do in between watching porn. Thanks for your support!


At July 26, 2006 9:33 AM, Blogger Lunatic Wife said...

Ok...I can't choose any of the stuff about porn. I have never actually seen a porn movie. The closest I have come is either one of those movies set in New Orleans or Brokeback Mountain. I have never seen Debbie do anything even though I lived in Dallas.

So, I guess you have been cleaning your house, watching the Doodlebops and rearranging sock drawers. Still, no excuse.

Although, we will really have draw and quarter Snark's Mistress's muse. The closest thing to blogging she has done lately was a response to one of my blogs stating that the cat's eat better than she does.

Incidentally, I don't believe this. The cat only got spaghetti with meat sauce, three cherries and his regular cat food last night.

At July 26, 2006 1:43 PM, Blogger Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

You know where to send the porn ;-)

At July 26, 2006 6:52 PM, Blogger Nate said...

Porn sounds good. We had a meager but quality stash on VHS and now that I have updated to DVD, my selections have just tanked. And it is not a cheap way to learn by trial and error.


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