Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Monday, August 21, 2006

Answers? We Don't Have No Stinkin' Answers!

So. I really thought I would have news for you today. How foolish of me. When I hadn't heard from my doctor by 2:00 this afternoon, I sucked it up and called him. Naturally, I had to leave a message. If anything about this was made easy, I think I'd die of shock, and that would be a whole new set of problems. But anyway, I left a message and then waited. Mama Jo stopped by to pick up Turtle and me so we could go swimming at her house. (We may have a pool at our own house, but we don't have a Mama Jo. And there is no doubt in my mind that in Turtle's order or priorities, Mama Jo is somewhere near the top of the list and I am somewhere near the middle.)

We stopped to get Starbucks (Turtle is still stuck with decaf, much to his chagrin) and then took a few minutes to let Turtle hoover some dinosaur-shaped chicken tenders. And while Turtle was protesting that he did not WANT to be eating, and he was still NOT in the POOL, and CLEARLY I am a BAD MOMMY, I got the call. I started the call with a nervous smile on my face. I ended the call with a frustrated look of resignation.

I have had two blood tests so far. The first one showed elevated hormone levels, but not definitively elevated hormone levels. And they needed to compare the first set to the second set, anyway, to be able to tell me what was happening. Well, blood test number 2 showed elevated hormone levels, but not definitively elevated hormone levels, and not high enough over the first set to conclusively decide that I'm pregnant. So. I need to go back for blood test #3. If this test comes back with lower levels, I'm miscarrying. If the test comes back with elevated levels again, that probably, but not definitely, means I'm pregnant, unless they're really, really high, in which case, I'm definitely pregnant. Did you follow that?

So basically, my uterus is one big multiple choice exam, and I apparently didn't study. Damn you, Uterus.


At August 22, 2006 12:40 AM, Blogger Hotass said...

I'm still left wondering how high they have to be to officially tell you you're pregnant when the f*cking home pregnancy test said you were! If that blasted thing could figure it out, why are these super-sensitive blood tests so inconclusive??? I am irate on your behalf.

At August 22, 2006 10:46 AM, Blogger Justin said...

Do you, perchance, know what hormones they are testing for?


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