Project Runway Episode 6

Dear Heidi, Michael, Nina, and Random Guest Judge Whose Name I Don't Remember,

I really thought we understood each other. The true awesomeness of your show is certainly above the kind of blatant stunt-casting and "keeping the nutjob contestant around as long as possible" maneuvering those other reality television shows use as ratings-boosters. So pray tell, dear judges, why Vincent is staying and stinking up my screen week after week, despite being in the bottom three EVERY WEEK since the show began, while Alison, who exhibited actual talent throughout the competition, was sent packing? You showed through your deliberation process last night that you do, in fact, take into consideration the designers' whole bodies of work when considering eliminations. Alison, at least, had a few designs that were recognized as being in the top three! What the hell were you thinking? Vincent is psycho. Send him home. Who knows? Maybe in the next incarnation of his career, he'll find a way to modernize the straitjacket, which is really, if we want to be honest, his true calling in the first place.

On the other hand, giving the win to Michael instead of Jeffrey last night kind of bothered me until Jeffrey opened his big, fat mouth again and reminded me why I hate him with the white-hot intensity of a thousand burning suns. I don't know what inspired you to recognize Michael instead, but I commend you for your instincts.

Oh, and I know you're busy, but if you could let Kayne know that it's pretty damn hypocritical of him to rag on Laura for being such a judgmental bitch after he and Robert sat down with the deliberate goal of trash-talking someone, I'd appreciate it. I love Kayne, and I love Robert, but I also love Laura. And at least Laura has the big, brass balls enough to say what she thinks to someone's face instead of waiting until a dinner break to deconstruct someone behind his back.

And I know I've said this before, but if you could let Tim know that he really needs to ensure that his DNA is propagated, and offer up my services, that would be outstanding. I've never seen a man look more adorable in a hard hat, protective goggles and reflective vest in my life.

Otherwise, outstanding work, Judges. Carry on!