Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Vagaries Of My Reproductive Organs

First, a word of caution: if you have a tendency towards low-level hypochondria, panic-Googling conditions for which you even vaguely believe you might have symptoms is a dangerous thing. Further, blogging about it later will only make you look like an asshole when it turns out you completely overreacted.


Okay. So, I went to the doctor today, who was nice enough not to call me a panicky freakshow to my face. After performing a quick ultrasound, he pretty much ruled out the ectopic pregnancy option. Not completely. Just mostly. 95%, perhaps? I just made that number up. He didn't give me any kind of odds. But while moving the ultrasound wand all around my innards and pointing out my girly parts ("And that blob right there? That's your uterus." "Hi, Uterus." "And that over there is your left ovary." "Hi, Left Ovary.") my lovely doctor noticed no abundance of fluid or blood which would indicate ectopic pregnancy. So he's pretty sure that's not the problem.

So what WAS the problem? Well, we're not quite sure. The pain was most likely a result of the lovely cyst on my right ovary. ("And right there...that black mass? That's a cyst on your ovary." "Oh. Well....Hi, Cyst. Thanks for joining us.") But the positive pregnancy test along with the bleeding? That's a little trickier. Either I'm pregnant, and I was having implantation bleeding, and I will more than likely end up with a healthy pregnancy and HOLY CRAP, I WAS NOT TRYING TO GET PREGNANT, HOW CAN I BE PREGNANT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Or I'm in the beginning stages of a miscarriage I wasn't expecting, given I am still reeling at the thought that the stick showed a plus sign instead of a minus sign. At this point, it's too early to say whether we're going for Door Number One or Door Number Two.

So. We're in for another week or so, at most, of uncertainty. In the meantime I'm supposed to keep taking my prenatal vitamins (which assumes, of course, that I was taking them to begin with) and let my doctor know if there are any changes. And try desperately not to panic. Heh. As if.


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