Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Pressure To Be "On"

Most days I don't mind my reputation for being a complete nutjob. Being completely sick in the head sets me apart from all of those normal people out there. I relish feeling distinctive. But there are other days when I just wish I could blend in with the masses. Because sometimes? There's a lot of pressure in being as adorably quirky as I am.

On one of my first dates with Oscar, or should I say "dates" considering that we never really went the traditional "dinner and a movie" route, we went to a grocery store at midnight. I was in search of something healthy to snack on and Taco Bell wasn't going to cut it. So I wandered into the produce section, on the hunt for the perfect apple. As Oscar watched me pore over the red delicious selection, the perplexed look on his face grew more and more pronounced. Finally he asked me...."What are you doing?" Well, clearly, I was checking the points of the apples...the feet of the apples....trying to make sure they weren't soft, because the rest of the apple could be crisp and crunchy, but if the apple points were bruised, it wasn't worth the bother. So I explained all this to Oscar, who looked at me with a bemused, indulgent look on his face, because even after only a handful of dates, he knew he had gotten himself involved with a complete fruitcake, and set about the business of helping me check apple points.

For a while, that was great, but, you know, sometimes when you go to the grocery store, you want to get in and out as quickly as possible. So sometimes the apple points are not as important to you as they might normally be. But when you're known for checking the points....when that's what makes you cute and distinctive...when it's your can't just run in and pick out the first decent looking apple you find. Because then your husband looks at you with that bemused, indulgent look on his face and convinces you that of course checking the apple points is worth the extra few minutes. And you're stuck wasting time on the apple points when all you really want to do is go home and have a glass of wine.

A similar situation befell us this weekend. We made our special trip up to a farm outside of Prescott to seek out the perfect pumpkin for Halloween. Traditionally, I search the entire patch, poring over each and every damn pumpkin on the ground, and end up picking out at least 3 "perfect" pumpkins, not to mention a dozen or so smaller pumpkins or gourds with which to decorate. It's a long process, and Oscar finds it adorable they way I tromp along, on a serious mission, and turn down several perfectly acceptable pumpkins before settling on the perfect pumpkins. This time around, though, being on the tail end of a cold and dealing with a grumpy two year old who would scream "No WANT cheese!" at me every time I tried to take his picture, I just wanted to pick a, SINGULAR, damn pumpkin and get out of the patch as quickly as humanly possible. Unfortunately, I had made the mistake of telling Oscar what kind of pumpkin I was looking for.

Having a long history of dealing with me at the pumpkin patch, he remained unconvinced that I could ever be satisfied with anything less than the perfect orange gourd. So we clomped along through the field for much longer than was really necessary, trying to find the biggest, roundest, veiniest pumpkin with a stem we could find. And while Oscar did ultimately find me an awesome pumpkin, I really would have been satisfied with the smaller, round, less veiny pumpkin I had seen earlier. But again...the 3 hour long process of locating the perfect pumpkin is one of those things that makes me "Me", so by all means....let's wander aimlessly through the field some more.

I know...I sound ungrateful again, don't I? Seriously, I love that Oscar finds these little quirks of mine "cute" instead of "mind-bogglingly annoying." I'm not trying to look a gift Oscar in the mouth. It's just that sometimes, I wear myself out with my odd behavior. I don't know how he can not only tolerate it, but so cheerfully indulge it on a continual basis. Then again, perhaps this is how he exacts his revenge? He refuses to allow me a moment's respite from my quirks, so that I am made even more aware of what an angel he is for putting up with me? Yeah, I bet that's it. Well, I'm on to him now. No more bonus points for him. And next time we go shopping, he can check the damn apple points if they're so freakin' important. I'll be in the liquor section, stocking up for the evening.


At October 25, 2006 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Cymber,

I am hunterzmom, mcmamas long time friend. I just love her! I have met you once or twice however I don't expect you to remember. Once was at mcmamas wedding. I called mcmama the other day to tell her thanks for turning me on to your post and to tell her that my husband "stalker boy" never reads ANYTHING but when I accidentally printed ALL your posts he sat and read everyone one of them. I'm talking about a guy who doesn't read anything except emails and hunting magazines! ha ha I do hope I get the pleasure of meeting you at mcmamas one day! I can relate to... well let's see, being sick, living with a wonderfully dirty dirty man, and raising a 3-1/2 yr old son! Who is at this very minute asleep in his recliner....ssssshhhh don't let him know he's asleep or there will be no peace (piece) of any kind for anyone! I so look forward to more of your postings. Say hello to Oscar for me. I'm very proud of him!


At October 25, 2006 3:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

P.S. Cymber

I can relate to your pumpkin pain. Since we have no pumpkin patch near us to get pumpkins from, I spent two hours going through all of Wally Worlds Cardboard boxes arse-end up looking for the perfect $1.98 pumpkin for "stalker boy" to carve. We now have a scooby doo pumpkin, a ghost pumpkin, a scarey face pumpkin and 4 more yet to carve. I don't carve them because I would never be able to carve them as perfectly as I think I should. Kind of like the year I undecorated my 9 foot Christmas tree because some lights went out and bought new lights and redecorated it all over again. Like McMama and I always say....."There's a little Monk in all of us."


At October 25, 2006 10:20 PM, Blogger Cymber said...

Hi Hunterzmom!
I remember meeting you, though I can't recall what you look like or how much of an ass I made of myself when we were introduced. Still, I'm glad you are enjoying my blog. I'm totally in awe that people outside of my immediate family find me amusing. (But that doesn't stop me from telling everyone I know to go read comments like yours so I can prove that "They LIKE ME! They really really LIKE ME!" I'm a shameful attention-whore that way.)

Anyway, I am sure we will ultimately all end up at McMama's house at the same time, and I'll look forward to seeing you and the dirty, dirty Stalker Boy again. Take care, and let Hunter know that I would NEVER let the fishie in the potty bite him in the tushie. McMama might, but I wouldn't.

At October 26, 2006 7:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I can't tell you how much I love your posts, especially the Oct 25th one. I too tend to drift off on my imagination contemplating the ifs ands and buts of any situation and the dramatic effects on my life. Speaking of butts, I will tell Hunter you will not let any fishes bite him on the butt. I am pretty sure the fishie flushing incident is why I cannot get him to poop in the potty. No problem with the peeing beause he can stand up, but no way, no how will he sit on the pot! Is there a way to teach him to poop in the potty standing up?! There must be, he does it standing up everyday, in his pants. Ugh! I think McMama has started a pshyco fund for Hunterbug so we can make sure he's able to sit on the potty without going into a hyper-ventalating,sweaty palmed state by the time he reaches college.

Anyway, thanks for all your wonderful insights into our every day lives and for helping me to realize I'm not the only over imaginative nut job on the planet! he he I plan to play on that personality trait pretty good once I reach an age where I will be dismissed as a crazy old lady! woo hoo! Have a great day! See you in the funny papers!


At October 26, 2006 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thing I've learned for the day: Pumpkins can grow in Arizona. Who knew!!

At October 26, 2006 12:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ONe more thing I learned....Hunterzmom actually thinks I'm wonderful and dirty at the same great is that!! By the way......I can't believe you dont' remmeber what she loks like...shes only a strikingly georgeous redhead!!!


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