In Which I Ramble About Nothing In Particular

Guess what I did tonight? I saw a movie with the family. Guess what I snacked on at the movies? I snacked on Coke, popcorn and Milk Duds. Two movies in less than a week and did it occur to me that if the Coke, popcorn and Milk Duds were not a good idea the first time around, it would be folly to attempt them again? Of course not. This is where I take a moment and remember that I'm going on a strict diet after McMama, McPapa and Oscar's Sister the Youngest fly back to New York and that I'm gorging myself now so that I a) feel so gross and disgusting, I relish the idea of eating nothing but trail mix and filtered water, b) get all of my cravings satisfied in advance, and c) realistically understand that if I can find an excuse to stuff my face with turkey, mashed potatoes with gravy, s-t-u-f-f-i-n-g, and wine this week, all bets are off anyway. Okay, I've had my moment. Let's not dwell.

In any event, tonight we saw "Happy Feet," which is that animated penguin movie. I was looking forward to seeing it because the trailers had me completely enchanted. This, despite the fact that Robin Williams is one of the voices, and I've been very hit or miss with Robin Williams lately (mostly miss.) However, seeing the movie itself, I was less than enchanted (although, to his credit, Robin Williams was not the reason for that.) Parts of it were very scary, which I wasn't expecting, given that I had thought it was supposed to be a kids' movie. And it really wasn't as funny as I had been expecting. And....well....how do I put this?....then there was the penguin porn.

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I know. But you did read that right. Penguin porn. I swear I'm not joking. At one point in the movie, these two penguins fly out of the water and end in a very suggestive position (think of the most common sexual position denoted by a numeral.) Then they jump up and land in another very suggestive position, then they jump up again and land in another very suggestive position and so on and so forth. It was kind of disturbing. I mean, I understand gearing your kids' movies so the adults who get dragged to see them have fun, as well. But when I walk out of the theatre and talk to McMama, who was at the opposite end of the aisle from me, and I say, "What was up with the penguin porn?" to which McMama replies, "I don't know, but they were doing it doggie-style"........I think maybe you took things a little too far. I should not be talking about animal sex with my mother-in-law when I'm walking out of the movie to which we took Turtle.

But at least Turtle was entertained by it. He sat, entranced, until they did a little fade-to-black to denote the change of scene, at which point he looked up and said "Watch again?" (Apparently, he was not put-off by the bow-chicka-wow-wow moment earlier in the movie.) And he did take some opportunities, particularly towards the end, to get up on his seat and start dancing. That was cute, and certainly made up for the fact that I decided against gouging my eyes out during one of the slower moments. Really, though, I can't say that I felt my $9.50 ticket price was adequately earned.

Speaking of my $9.50 ticket price, Holy Mother of God, going to the movies is expensive these days. I thought it was bad when Oscar and I went to the movies, just the two of us. But the six of us, with tickets and concessions, barely walked out of that theatre for less than $100. I almost felt like they should have a bank right outside the theatre doors, so they could handle the refinancing I have to do on my house to be able to afford to get inside. Of course, I didn't pay for that whole $100, because McMama decided to throw down when I purchased the tickets. Seriously. I thought she was going to hit me. I was kind of scared for a minute. Which is how she managed to elbow past me at the concessions stand and pay for our popcorn and candy. I would have tried harder to plead my case but I was afraid for my life. (But while we're on the subject, SERIOUSLY...she and McPapa hosted us for two weeks this summer and hosted me for a long weekend this fall and wouldn't let us pay for ANYTHING....I think allowing us to host them and not let them pay for anything is a reasonable trade, particularly when you consider that they don't visit us nearly as often as we visit them! But McMama pulls the whole "We're old and have more disposable income, but you're raising a CHILD!!!" argument, and then gives me that look that makes me think she won't love me anymore if I don't back down. The woman hits below the belt, I swear. Maybe I should take a poll in the comments. If you think I should get to play hostess, say "Aye." If you want to be a traitor and vote for McMama, leave a "Nay." I'll abide by your decision. If I agree with it, that is.)

But obviously, we're having a great time with McMama, McPapa, and Oscar's Sister the Youngest. Turtle, in particular, is enjoying their visit, as evidenced by the fact that he has no time for Mommy and Daddy. His first question upon waking? "Where's Papa and Mum?" We're going somewhere? "I go with Papa and Mum." Going to bed? "Want hug and kiss from Papa and Mum." I have a feeling the week after they fly home is going to be a difficult one for them. Mommy knows how you feel, kiddo. I know how you feel.