Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Thursday, January 25, 2007

My Inner Porn Star Says Hi

Oooooooooooooooooookay. So apparently I need to go out and live a little. I have wondered about this for quite a while, but seeing how much you guys would be paying if there was actually someone to collect on these fines, I am now firmly convinced that I have been a goody-goody for far too long. Yeesh. Doesn't anyone else have a paralyzing fear of authority and/or the morality police? No? Just me? Okay, then.

Seriously? I've actually done quite a bit of soul searching about my compulsive need to follow the rules. I have found that it often doesn't matter who made the rules, whether I even believe in the moral authority of whoever made the "rules," or whether they are written or unwritten. I simply follow them, lest I be labeled a "bad" girl. (I'm sure Oscar would be thrilled if I was a bad girl now and then, but, as I've mentioned, he's a dirty, dirty man, and I'm not sure his judgment should be trusted.)

The weird thing is, personally, I don't know that I would even have a problem having a reputation as a bad girl. But I learned in therapy this evening that I apparently have yet to overcome my tendency to put everyone else's wants and needs ahead of my own. Which means I'm probably still subconsciously trying to make my parents proud by adhering to their moral code instead of making decisions based on my own values. (See, Nate? Not even I am completely balanced.)

Not that I'm rushing out to have a threesome, or anything. (Although if Eric Dane was interested, I certainly wouldn't turn him down.) (Call me, Eric!) But I am definitely reconsidering whether my objections have to do with me or with the values of my parents, or Oscar's parents, or the religious right, or George W. Bush, or my OB/GYN, or anyone else who might know me. I mean, I don't mind weighing their opinions along with my own. But I do realize that they should not have more weight than mine. Besides, I would hate to miss out on an opportunity to be the meat in a boy sandwich (nice phrasing, Hotass!) because someone might "tut-tut" about it.

So I really appreciate everyone who took the time to post their fines in the comments. Even if some of you didn't pay attention to the instructions and tallied per occurrence. *ahem*McMama*ahem* You have certainly given me something to think about. And you have given Oscar a new hobby, if the amount of time he has been spending in an effort to find a candidate to fill the third position in a Cymber sandwich is any indication.

3 Comments:

At January 26, 2007 2:09 PM, Blogger Raven in NYC (aka Mark) said...

I think it's really fantastic that there has been a level of self discovery for you. I can't see where it takes you.

 
At January 26, 2007 2:27 PM, Blogger Paul said...

Cymber,

We are ALL subject to the opinions of others. And that's not bad. A well-functioning society demands that. And there's an infinity nature to it: we don't just have to reconcile ourselves with the opinions of our parents, but also with those of our children.

I seriously don't care for anyone who chooses to ignore the views of everyone else.

Now, about your MIL. I just figured her exorbitant fine was an exaggeration to keep you guessing.

Thanks for blogging.

 
At January 26, 2007 2:45 PM, Blogger Hotass said...

Being the meat in a boy sandwich, but not getting eaten (ha!) only left me wanting more. Be aware.

And I would imagine your internal struggle has, in part, to do with sharing someone you love with someone else. I don't know if I could ever partake in sandwich-making if I was emotionally invested in either party.

Not to say they should be strangers ... but you get me.

 

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