Ramblings From An Insomniac

Turtle has developed a cough. I'm not sure if it's related to our air quality or if he's coming down with something or a combination of both. But suffice it to say, he's coughing a lot and drugs don't seem to make a dent. So last night, around 2:30 in the morning, Turtle had a coughing jag that was long enough and loud enough to wake me up. I went in with some (USELESS! USELESS, I SAY!) cough medicine and calmed him down and then crawled back into bed next to a softly snoring Oscar.

And I tossed.

And I turned.

And I tried to relax.

And I got increasingly frustrated.

And I tried to relax some more.

Until finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I got up. Now, I'm a morning person, but not even I am HARDCORE enough to think that 2:30 in the morning is an acceptable wakey-wakey time. And yet, there I was. I got on the computer for a while, and when not even the lack of updates on my favorite blogs was enough to lull me back into a sleep state, I decided, "Hey, 4:00 in the morning is a PERFECT time to do dishes. And laundry. And filing." So dishes and laundry and filing I did.

Oscar walked into my office at 5:30am and asked what the hell I was doing. When my heartbeat had returned to normal and I had climbed down from the ceiling (where I had jumped when his innocent question sent me into flight-or-fight mode) I explained my insomnia. He went back to bed to hit the snooze 10 more times and I returned to sorting papers. I suppose a more considerate husband would have offered to bang me like a $5 whore in an effort to wear me out enough to fall back asleep, but this is the model I have. I guess I just have to make do.

I finally crawled back into bed around 6:30. Oscar was supposed to be getting ready for work, but he was hoping to lull me back to sleep with the dulcet tones of even more snoring. I welcomed the warmth of his arms wrapped around me, but it still wasn't happening for me. I dozed in a semi-conscious state off and on, but no REM for me. And with a Turtle due to wake up in an hour, that probably wasn't such a bad thing A deeper sleep would probably have put me in touch with how tired I really was, and that wouldn't do.

So I went through the majority of the day on a mere four hours of sleep. I did manage a small nap while Turtle was down for his own nap, but one of my cats, who is a bit needy when it comes to his self-esteem managed to catch and trap his little stuffed mouse, again, and OH MY GOD IT'S THE SAME FRICKING MOUSE YOU CATCH EVERY SINGLE TIME AND DO I REALLY HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT A FEROCIOUS HUNTER KITTEN YOU ARE AGAIN?!?!?!?! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SELF-VALIDATE THIS ONE TIME SO I CAN GET SOME DAMN SLEEP????? *ahem* Yeah, he, um, meowed a lot until I petted him and praised him and then I dozed back off.

Now, it's 9:20pm and due to an unfortunate set of circumstances, I just finished dinner. Oscar was kind enough to take Turtle to the grocery store this evening and pick me up some Tylenol PM, which, had I been thinking, I would have downed with a freakishly cold glass of really cheap white wine. But I forgot to chill the wine, and I will instead down some Tylenol PM with a glass of ice water (provided, of course, I don't spill this glass over like I spilled the last glass. I'm a big enough klutz under the best of circumstances. You don't want to be anywhere near me when my reflexes are dulled by a lack of sleep. It's like watching a bad slapstick movie.)

The point of all of this being, of course, that if you came here today looking for a clever bon mot or amusing anecdote from my life, it so isn't happening. I'm lucky I have enough brain function to remember to breathe in and breathe out (in that order) on a continual basis. Hopefully tomorrow I will return fully rested and able to talk about something interesting. (Like, for example, Amalah's post today about whether or not you close the door to use the bathroom and how my upbringing caused me to be very free with the pee. Don't worry. I'll fill you in later. It will be funny. I promise.) In the event I am not fully rested tomorrow and do not return, and instead crawl into a very large hole with my binky and my blankie, please feel free to peruse the archives. There's something there for everyone, I'm sure.