Are You KIDDING Me With This???

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

This Started Out As A Quick Post, But An Hour Later...

I'm working on a few posts that are a bit longer, but I don't have the time or inclination to try to bang them out tonight. (Especially since I'd really like to be banging other things. If you know what I mean. And I think you do. Oh, wait. Did I say that out loud? Damn. I really need to get that internal filter fixed.) So instead, I wanted to share two quick anecdotes, because if I don't post something, dykewife will be sad. And we don't like to make people sad around here.

I needed the truck today so I was riding shotgun as Oscar drove into work. Turtle was in the back seat making all kinds of weird noises, as Turtle is wont to do. When he started wigging out and doing a damn fine impersonation of a resident of a mental hospital, Oscar turned to me and said something along the lines of "He is SO your kid." I casually turned back to Oscar and said, "Hey, I'm not the one on the meds, now, am I?" D'oh! The look on his face was priceless. It was a blend of impotent fury and grudging admiration. Score? Cymber 1, Oscar 0.

(Disclaimer: I have no issues with meds or people who take them. Frankly, those who know me intimately will actually tell you that I'm the biggest pusher they know. I merely saw and opportunity to take my husband down a peg, and I used it. Do not send me hateful e-mails about what an insensitive bitch I am. I'm well aware I'm an insensitive bitch. It really doesn't bother me all that much. If it did, I'd take meds for it.)

Turtle was going to the bathroom and I was doing a fine job of supervising. After giving everything a wipe-down, Turtle started pulling back the foreskin of his penis. Then he pointed at it repeatedly and asked, "Mommy? What's this?" I said, "That's your peenie weenie, little man." "Ohhhhhhhhhhh," he replied. "Woooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww!" You'd have thought I'd just imparted the secrets of the universe. Then again, he's a boy, so I guess I kind of did.

Between those two events, I spent my time reworking my budget three different times in an effort to figure out if I can reasonably consider spending an assload of money (yes, that's a technical term) on landscaping my yard. Preliminary crunching of the numbers and the Magic 8 Ball say "All signs point to yes" so I'll start talking seriously with the bank tomorrow. Meanwhile, Oscar will be working from home and has scheduled a meeting with a different landscaper to pick his brain and get his numbers. Oscar has just been a bundle of efficiency this week. Between that and our deplorable lack of a decent sex life lately, I'm beginning to think the real Oscar has been replaced with Pod Person Oscar. And I'm not quite sure if I have a problem with that. Hell, if Pod Person Oscar can get our taxes done, I may even cover for him while he systematically begins taking over the world.

So. Yeah. Oscar was teased, Turtle discovered his penis, I put on my Accounting Hat and let Jurassic Park raise my child today. Sounds like a pretty typical day in the Cymber household to me.


At February 09, 2007 9:42 PM, Blogger dykewife said...

i dont know if boy ever discovered what was under his foreskin. he's never filled me on on that, but i assume, since he's in puberty, that he has.

oh, i'm sad btw. it's friday and there's no friday cymber entry to start my weekend off with happy.


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