God, I Miss Doughnuts

So, I have this goal to lose some weight. Not some, actually. Quite a bit. I met Oscar 11 years ago when I was the thinnest I have ever been in my life. I had some crappy eating habits, but I was going to the gym every day. And I was in my early 20s at that point so my metabolism was cranking at maximum efficiency. Which meant that it didn't much matter what I ate. It burned off, regardless. So I could fit my very cute little ass into some very small little jeans.

It didn't take long for my very healthy gym habits to be replaced by less-healthy hanging-out-with-Oscar-24/7 habits, however. Which was fine for a while, because we had a very strong mutual attraction going on and the calories I HAD been burning in the gym, I instead started burning while doing mattress aerobics. But then we got married, and we both got comfortable, and before I knew it, I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life.

Which brings us to the present and back to my original point, which is I have this goal to lose weight. I've had this goal off and on, but I've only been really serious about it for a month. To that end, I have completely changed my diet (Alas, poor Ben and Jerry. I knew you well...) I am in the gym at least 5 days a week for an hour each day. I am focused. I am driven. I am questioning my sanity.

See, my gym membership comes complete with free personal training sessions once a month. And yesterday I took advantage of that. I let this geeky-cute trainer take me through an entirely new workout routine so that my body would not get too accustomed to the routine I had been doing and plateau. Snark's Mistress came along to keep me company, cheer me on, and occasionally mock me.

It went pretty well, I think. At the end of this new routine, I turned to her and said, "Was it just me, or did he really not work our legs very much?" Snark's Mistress reflected on everything we had just done and reminded me of a few exercises that I had already put out of my mind and then mentioned that she was already feeling a touch sore in some spots. I was surprised.
I didn't think the workout was that bad. Maybe it was just that I've been going to the gym regularly. Whatever. I was excited about doing this new program and seeing how it helped me achieve my goals in the next month.

Which brings me back to why I'm questioning my sanity. Today? I could barely walk. That workout that wasn't so bad? So totally was. I am sore in places I didn't know could be sore. And at the moment? I'm thinking that face planting in a vat of Ben and Jerry's seems infinitely preferable to experiencing the agony that my legs are radiating in pulsing waves. Why am I doing this again? Do I really need to lose the weight? Surely I can consider myself "in shape" since "round" is a shape, right? Am I just crazy to think that this pain is better than the pain of being overweight?

But the part that really makes me wonder about my mental stability? I'm going back to the gym tomorrow.

Pray for me.