Highlights

Things have been crazy the past couple of days, so no time for a c0hesive post. Instead, let's take a look inside my brain and see what I've been pondering lately, shall we?

* For me, about the only upside to going through "personal issues" and not having a tube of brownie mix to fall back on is that I am extraordinarily productive. In the past couple of days, I have cleaned both of my bathrooms (for the second time in six months! I get a prize for that, right?), vacuumed all but two rooms in my house, done laundry, cleaned dishes, gone to the gym every day, and bought three pairs of shoes. Not that I wouldn't mind catching a break from the gods of karma, but my house has never looked better, I'm losing weight, and I've got kicky feet. Things could be worse, I suppose. (Not that I need any more help, UNIVERSE. Doing fine on messing up my own life, thanks.)

* To compound my "personal issues" and make my life that much worse, Turtle is going through a particularly nasty whining phase. I don't think he's managed to complete a sentence without whining all week. Coinciding with this phase, he is also going through an extra sensitive phase. I can't so much as level a hairy eyeball in his direction without him prostrating himself at my feet, whining "Sorry Mommy!" over and over again. It would be funny if it wasn't so annoying. I swear, people are going to start thinking I beat this kid, and really, I'm not THAT bad. I only use the belt when he's REALLY disobeying me. (Just kidding.) (No, really, I don't need a visit from CPS. I have enough going on.)

* Speaking of Turtle, did I mention he has a girlfriend at the gym? Oscar is jealous, having never been half the ladies man that Turtle is, and also a little perplexed at how he managed to spawn such a Casanova. Clearly, Oscar and I haven't gotten out and about much lately or he would remember that his wife is a flirting dervish and all of Turtle's best moves come from me. Which I guess makes up for the fact that Turtle was cursed with Oscar's feet. He's going to need all of those moves if he's going to keep his girlfriend after she sees him barefoot.

* It's almost swimsuit season again. I would like to say that living this healthier lifestyle and starting to lose some weight has given me a better body image and has made me more tolerant of those little scraps of spandex/lycra blend, but the fact of the matter is that I really think swimsuits were invented by a psycho misogynist with a torture fetish. They're like little localized weapons of mass destruction, targeting your ego and destroying it in one fell swoop. I think I'll be staying indoors this summer.

I think that's it for now. I sense we're getting ready for a brain shut-down sequence, which will be partly fueled by Tylenol PM (if you are unfamiliar with Tylenol PM, I have but one thing to say: It is Teh Awesome.) So have a good weekend and I'll see you all back here on Monday, barring the next unforseen monumental crisis the universe decides to throw at me.