If We Bottled It, We Could Call It Love Potion #9

Uh-oh. It looks like Turtle's romance with his little gym girlfriend is taking a dramatic turn. When I came to pick him up after doing an hour of cardio (and thinking about the cute trainer....*sigh*) the very lovely women who run the kids' care practically ran me down in their eagerness to tell me all about the latest chapter of the Young and the Potty-Trained. It seems that today, Turtle's girlfriend, who I think we'll call "Kitty" in light of the fact that when Turtle says her actual name, it sounds much like the name of another, less flattering, animal, threw down with another little girl over the attention she was paying Turtle.

Apparently, Kitty started a tug of war with this other girl, using Turtle as the rope. And when that wasn't enough to deter the competition, Kitty very snottily told the other little girl, "Why don't you go play with someone else? Your mommy is going to pick you up soon, anyway!" I wasn't clear about whether or not that was enough to show the other girl whose man Turtle actually is, because we were all laughing too hard to make much sense of anything that was said after that. Although the pictures they showed me on their camera phones pretty much said it all.

In any event, at least one thing is now abundantly clear to me:

There is something in the water at my gym. First, I start having fantasies about hot monkey sex with the cute trainer. Then Turtle starts living most guys' ultimate fantasy: being fought over by two attractive women. And while I certainly don't object to the former, I have a few qualms about the latter. Specifically, I am not quite sure I'm ready to have a sex education seminar for Turtle, complete with handy diagrams and visual aids, when he's still young enough to need assistance using the potty.

Maybe I'll just pass this one off on Oscar. He deserves the opportunity to meaningfully contribute to his son's development, don't you think? Besides, Oscar was never much of a player, so the likelihood that I'll have to worry about his sex ed seminar including such gems as "How to Juggle Multiple Honeys" and "Plausible Deniability: An Introduction" seem slim. Then again, he is a man, and men are notoriously stupid about women. Looks like I'll be seeing to Turtle's education, after all.