Would You Care For Some Lexapro Or No?

As a stay-at-home mom, I tend to value my "alone" time. It's particularly precious considering I get so little of it. But tonight, with Oscar off doing whatever it is that Oscar does when he's not here, and with Turtle in bed doing his level best not to go to sleep, I find that I'm actually - well - bored.

It's one thing when I get alone time that does not require me to be at the house. When Oscar is at home and taking care of Turtle so I can venture into the world and figure out what grown up type people do with their time when they're not consumed with shooting monsters and making macaroni and cheese, I find that I am never lacking for things to do. Sometimes I use the time to do responsible parent type things, like grocery shopping. Sometimes I go over to Chez Snark's Mistress and watch SG-1 marathons and talk about what it was like when I used to eat sugar. (God, those were the days!) Sometimes I just take time for me, and go to a coffee shop where I can sneak a coffee shake and read or do some journaling. But when I'm the one tied to the house? When my free time involves looking at the same four walls I've been looking at all day long? It's not quite so easy to figure out what to do with myself.

I thought about doing some cleaning. But really, I've been cleaning all day. My dishes are done, my laundry is done, and I just can't work up the energy to work on anything else. I tried going online, but there was nothing on "teh internets" that was suitably distracting (aside from the news that my favorite trainwreck blogger, who took his blog down last week, has put his blog back up! Wheee! More rubbernecking for me!) I thought about reading a book, because lord knows I'm constantly complaining that I never have time to read any more. But not even that holds any appeal at the moment.

Honestly? I think I'm just feeling restless. I'm somewhat cranky and dissatisfied with certain things in my life and while I can normally distract myself with enough skill to forget that I'm cranky and dissatisfied, now that it's late and Turtle isn't asking me a zillion questions that all end with "or no?" such as "do you want to play with me or no?" or "are you sure I can have this cookie or no?" I find that it's much too quiet. It's much too quiet and I find myself spending entirely too much time dwelling on the fact that I seem to be in a perpetual state of disappointment lately and how maybe that's not such a good thing.

On the bright side, my two week vacation to Chez McMama is coming up in a week and a half. Did I mention how much I'm looking forward to sitting on her porch and getting "right" with the world? Because I am. A lot. I'm kind of hoping that if I sit there long enough, the grumpy, ornery bitch in me will just seep right out because I'm really not liking the me I am right now. Although, if McMama's porch doesn't do the trick, the Dunkin Donuts that's within walking distance of her house probably will. Because I don't care how much sugar I'm not eating; nothing says happiness like a cup of coffee and a donut. Unless it's "antidepressants and therapy," but that has to wait until I get home.