How YOU Doin'?

It was recently brought to my attention that I haven't posted anything in a long time. I know. You'd think I would have been aware of that without someone pointing it out to me. But no. My brain has been on an extended vacation and it wasn't until I was in line at Starbucks with Hotass and Snark's Mistress and Hotass turned to me and said "BY the WAY. What is UP with your BLOG? Why the HELL haven't you been POSTING?" that I remembered, "Hey! I have a blog!"

Of course, it still took me, let's see, four days (?) to get back here and start writing something. And THAT'S only because I was IMing with Snark's Mistress and was about to start bitching about the fact that practically NOBODY (except you, dykewife, since you've been posting regularly despite some less than favorable circumstances, and do you think maybe you could lower the bar, just a little bit, for the slackers among us?) has been updating his/her blog with anything APPROACHING regularity, and it occurred to me that perhaps I was walking into a pot-meets-kettle scenario and I should think about shutting my trap. (For those of you keeping track, I didn't shut my trap, naturally, but instead just acknowledged that I was a flaming hypocrite prior to my bitching.)

So. Here I am.

Um...where were we?

Oh, I see. When I last left you, my kid hated me because I took him to the doctor for his shots. How timely. Because yesterday was his second appointment to get him caught up on his shots. I am sorry to say that I ignored everyone's advice and did NOT force Oscar to take Turtle to the doctor. I am also sorry to say that I took pity on Snark's Mistress, who seemed to be having a rough morning, and did not force her to come along with me. No, I dealt with this appointment all by myself. The good news is, there were only two shots this time around, and one skin test, and they all went into his arms, so I didn't have to look into my little boy's puppy dog eyes while he pleaded with me to carry him everywhere because his poor little legs just couldn't take the pain. The bad news is, he remembered too well what those pesky needles were for and started screaming and struggling the minute he caught sight of them. It made for quite the traumatic event, made tolerable only because he got two stickers out of the deal.

Naturally, I text messaged Oscar on the way home, informing him in no uncertain terms that he was taking Turtle to his next doctor appointment, which will be in October, by the way, because that is how long it will take the manufacturers to send more Hep A vaccine and hey, since you have to come in anyway, why don't we give your kid a flu shot? Two more needles? Two more holes in my kid? Oh yeah. Oscar can take him. I may be a slow learner, but I do catch up eventually.

Speaking of which, I need to speed up my learning curve as to how I respond to that first trip back to the personal trainer after an extended vacation. I say that because after my visit with the trainer on Monday (no, not the cute one about whom I have been fantasizing) I fully expected to go back to the gym yesterday and do my hour of cardio. Until, of course, I woke up yesterday morning and Could. Not. Walk. It was at that point that it occurred to me that a) my last few visits with the trainers resulted in workouts that have been somewhat less comprehensive than I probably should have requested, b) even if those last few workouts had taken 2 hours to complete and worked every one of the more than 630 muscles in my body, I haven't been as diligent about completing my workout lately and c) perhaps, then, I should ease back into my diet and exercise plan. Instead, I ended up pushing myself to do the workout the trainer gave me on Monday, and while she was suitably impressed with my drive, my body is now suffering for it. And now it's my turn to give the puppy dog eyes to Turtle and request that HE carry ME everywhere because my poor little legs just can't take the pain. (Of course, the ungrateful little brat just laughs at me whenever I try, but whatever.)

Also? Because I revert back to my childhood in times of discomfort (which is my nice word for BURNING, SEARING, EXCRUCIATING PAIN), I am self-medicating with Double Stuf Oreos and Cool Ranch Doritos. So anyone who wants to know how my diet and exercise plan has been working out for me over the last month, you can just shut up now.

So that's what's new with me. What's new with you?